My mother collected teacups. Not necessarily expensive ones but lovely, decorative porcelain teacups. They were displayed in a glass cupboard in our dining room and they were never used.
When my mother died, I inherited the cups. I decided to use them. When friends came to tea or brunch, the colourful cups and their saucers took center stage, their rightful and meaningful place, on the table full of sweet and savoury delicacies. At my husband’s 60th birthday dinner, they also served as tiny soup bowls for stracciatella*. Because they are all different and unique, they looked beautiful on the table set in white. ‘Mummy is with us,’ I thought.
We have since moved house twice and have downsized in the process. The teacups have ended up in a box. Our 26 year old daughter would like to have Grandma’s teacups ‘for later’ but doesn’t have any extra space in her apartment in Amsterdam, so I am saving the box of teacups for her. Some of them leak and some have unsightly cracks. My practical side is inclined to get rid of the imperfect cups. But then, remembering the concept of kintsugi, I decide to keep all of the teacups.
Kintsugi or kintsukuroi is a Japanese art form, especially applied to ceramics, where ugly cracks are intentionally made visible by filling them with gold. The cracks tell a story and are allowed to be there; in fact, their presence is emphasized. Why does everything and everyone have to be perfect, without cracks, without wrinkles, without irregularities? On social media we see only perfection. We know it’s not everyday reality and yet it attracts us. In Michael Sandel’s book ‘The Case against Perfection’, about the ethics of biotechnology, he mentions ‘the ethics of enhancement’. Designer babies, bionic athletes and embryo ethics are discussed. We are able and empowered to enhance; to do ‘more and better:’ but does that necessarily mean that we should? He dedicated his book to his two sons who, in his words, ‘’are perfect just as they are.”
And they probably are. Life is a gift and we are perfect in our imperfection. What’s more, don’t we get better and learn from our imperfections, our scars, our mistakes? How wonderful if we can embrace these parts of ourselves instead of wasting energy covering them up. What wonderful examples we can be if we teach the children and youth who are entrusted to us not only to accept their setbacks and their perceived less-than-perfect qualities, but to gild these qualities and experiences and be proud of them. They are what make us unique and special. From setbacks we learn to pause, reflect, adjust and move on. Not everyone has to have a Colgate smile and yet we make sure that the orthodontists always have enough work to do. The crooked tooth is beautiful, just like the crooked nose, the small breasts, the freckles and yes, the scars. In a world where perfection in performance, in beauty, in filling our various roles is desired and sometimes even insisted upon, there is little room left for remembering and reconciling with that which makes us who we are. It is not easy to stay true to ourselves if we are always chasing an ideal. If we want to cross out and erase every mistake and every wound, we wander further and further away from ourselves. Imperfections and old wounds belong to us and form us. Kintsugi offers a different perspective: acceptance, healing, moving on; proud of the scars that make us who we are. As Billy Joel sings, “I love you just the way you are.’ Maybe it’s time to embrace ourselves, cracks and all.
*Recipe for Stracciatella
A light, nutritious and elegant soup made with boiling broth in which a mixture of eggs and grated Parmesan cheese, plus some ground nutmeg are scrambled. The eggs and cheese boil in the broth and form threads in about 30 seconds. Spinach or frozen peas can also be added to the soup; the nutmeg can also be replaced with grated lemon peel for a different taste sensation. The soup can be ready in 5-6 minutes. It is a light, nutritious and above all tasty soup. My mother was always waiting for us with her broth, whisk and egg-cheese mixture for stracciatella when we arrived from the Netherlands each year. Truly a golden memory for me and my family.
Credits:
Image cup courtesy of Etsy.com
Image face courtesy of https://youtu.be/u7q2Kbnb8RI
Sandel, Michael J. (2007). The Case against Perfection. 1st edition. Cambridge, Massachusetts and London, England: The Belknap or Harvard University Press.
Joel, William Martin. (1977) Just the Way you Are. On ‘The Stranger.’ Columbia Records.
Beverly Biscuits 